Don't Let Crying Get You Down

the cutest sad face ever

An Anecdote: You walk in to a restaurant already hungry, as you should be, it is dinner time. The waiter takes your drink order and says he will give you a few minutes to decide what you want to eat. You say that you already know what you want and proceed to order. "It'll be just a few minutes." says the waiter. It has now been about five minutes and your stomach is growling. You have finished your beverage and want a refill. You see that the waiter is with another table but you don't care. You're now "hangry" (hungry+angry because it has been foreverrrr since you last ate). You start to complain to the waiter that it is taking too long. He starts yelling at you to be quiet and sit down. He yells that the chef is going as fast as he can and you should not be complaining, you had a whole glass of water just 5 minutes ago. You keep complaining. The waiter yells at you again to be quiet. "You ate lunch didn't you!?"

Does that sound insane to you? That a waiter would treat a hungry customer that way?

How often do you get frustrated when your baby cries? It is perfectly normal. We all feel frustrated. It is hard not to sometimes. Especially when going off of a few hours of sleep. But...crying is the main language babies use to communicate. Getting frustrated at them for communicating? Now that sounds different.

I am not by any means saying I don't get frustrated. I do. I totally do. Quite frequently. That's all the more reason what I am about to tell you is so important.

They only know how to tell you what they want by crying. Am I being redundant? Let's look back at the anecdote from before. It sounds crazy that two adults would act that way. But let's be honest, how many times have you been "hangry" in a restaurant and snapped at the wait staff? How often have you been frustrated with the amount of time it was taking to get your food even though you were hungry when you came in? Is it the staff's fault that you were hungry? (OK I'm stretching a bit here, obviously you are hungry when you go out to eat. Let's just think about the emotions going on when this does happen). I mean... you're hungry and you want FOOOOD!!

Babies are the same way. They get frustrated. They don't care how hard you are trying to make the bottle/warm the bottle/get somewhere to breastfeed.. They don't understand why it is taking so long. All they know is "my stomach is GROWLING because I haven't eaten in foreverrrr!!! (3 hours)" Yelling at them and telling them "the chef" is doing her best to get the food out does not phase them. They don't care. I think babies get "hangry" too. I mean it makes sense, right?

Don't let the crying get you all hot and bothered. Remember why they are probably crying (sitting in poo, hungry, cold, sleepy... etc) and think "Yup. I would probably complain or be unhappy too." When you think about it that way, it makes it easier to relax and not stress over it. It makes the situation almost relatable in a way. You can do your best to hurry and think "yup. hangry happens." or "sitting in poo is terrible." or even "I would want a blanket too." (you may even already have your own blanket or jacket on)

Of course, there will be those times when baby just cries for what seems like no reason. You may have tried everything you know to try, called Grandma, Googled, and Pinterest-ed. You are about to resort to a Facebook status. Maybe someone can help. Maybe it won't work. All I can say is that the few times my baby has done this, I just went to a quiet and dimly lit room. Held him close and prayed. Eventually he did calm down and fall asleep. The important thing is to try to stay calm. Breathe. Ask your husband or whoever may be availabe to take over if you feel frustrated. Take a minute to calm down and think that this stage won't last forever. Remember last week? Baby is already a week older and maybe even bigger than that. Because babies grown and change so fast. Baby won't be this small again.

*side note: some crying is OK. For instance, tummy time can be frustrating for baby. But just think about it like baby work outs. When you work out, you can be uncomfortable with the amount of strength and energy it takes, but in the end it is a good thing. You are strengthening your muscles. You may even grunt as you lift those dumbbells. Babies need tummy time in order to become mobile and develop their muscles. Let them grunt (within reason) while they do their "baby pushups."

I hope this helps someone. This mindset has really changed the way I handle things. Even in my job. Not that I yelled at children before, just that I became too easily frustrated. I hope this attitude sticks with me and I can continue to be calm when handling frustrating situations. 

I would love to hear your thoughts and welcome your comments!

Anna  :)

Feeding a Baby is a lot of Pressure

excuse us. we woke up like this.

Feeding a baby is harder than I imagined it would be. For starters, there is the whole breastmilk vs. formula thing. Both sides seem to be pretty adamant about which is better. Which leads to the next question, does it matter if you use a bottle or not? even if there is breastmilk in the bottle? What about supply? These are all thoughts and questions that went through my head while I was trying to decide. In my line of work, I have seen numerous babies that were breastmilk or formula fed. I had not put much thought as to which was better. I knew formula cost more money (1 can is usually only about 15 bottles worth) and that breastfeeding (minus the cost of the pump, bottles, and lanolin) was essentially free. I knew I would be going back to work so pumping might be difficult. I also had observed the formula babies and noticed that they seemed to spit-up more, and had other health problems such as eczema or reflux.
After taking a few childbirth classes through our hospital (I highly recommend these! Mom and Dad!) I decided to try to breastfeed and not be upset if it didn't work out.
But I still had lots of questions.

• Breastmilk vs. Formula. I knew what I had observed from my work experience but I did not have research to back it up. To be honest, I didn't really research it that much. The childbirth class and that it is free pretty much sold me on it. But, I wish I had done a little more research and been a little more pushy at the pediatrician. After finding this chart from the UK, this timeline, and this interesting read , I realize I was not very well informed about what to do when it doesn't work out. After my son was born I tried breastfeeding like the nurse suggested, ASAP. Like within the first few minutes. I think I have a picture timestamped like 5:11 pm and he was born at 4:56 pm. But he wouldn't latch. Thus the breastfeeding saga began. The nurse said to just keep trying. I was trying not to stress about it, I figured if he was hungry that he would eat. But he didn't. I think he got it right twice the whole 48 hours we were in the hospital. A few things that stopped me from fully focusing on breastfeeding:



one of our first moments together. 






•  I did not want to breastfeed in front of people. And there was always someone in our hospital room or home. I loved having everyone there, I really did. My son is the first grandkid on both sides, so... he's kind of a big deal. I wish I had been more adamant about taking time to try.
•  Another hindrance to the breastfeeding saga was (if you refer to the previous blog) was that the "fast" 2 hours of pushing I did left him with gunk. This gunk in his stomach made him think he was full (according to the hospital pediatrician) which made him not want to nurse. I was determined not to use formula! But I also wish I had gone to a breastfeeding class or read the breastfeeding book my aunt gave me :/ oops.  Since he screamed at me and refused to latch wouldn't latch he lost almost a pound in 5 days. According to the ped. this was not good. He suggested we use formula until my milk came in. This is when I wish I had been more pushy! I was so emotional/hormonal/trying not to burst into tears I forgot that our hospital offers pasteurized breastmilk for this very situation! So we used formula to "top him off" after he drank from a bottle what I could pump. 
• I decided to pump exclusively. (see below) I pumped what I could every 2 hours. He drank it. He also drank about an ounce of formula at every feeding for a week (and the few 3 ounce bottles of formula my husband gave him trying to help me sleep longer. *takes deep breath* God bless him.) I really really really didn't want to use formula. But I also didn't want to share how I really felt about the trouble I was having. I should have tried to go the support group :/
• Breast or Bottle? Does it matter?  I have not read anything that says it matters what device? the breastmilk comes from. The only thing I have seen is that introducing a bottle and a paci too soon would hinder the baby from nursing because it causes nipple confusion. Or something like that. Since he was already...not participating, I didn't see the harm. I decided to exclusively pump and bottle feed. This also freed me up to nap or whatever while someone else fed him. I could pump, put in in the fridge (see breastmilk storage guidelines) and warm it and feed him. Also we could go out in public without having to worry about breastfeeding in public. (*rolls eyes* I am not opposed by any means, it

  

  #fridgeselfie

  just takes some getting used to for mom)  I took to pinterest and came across this lady's blog. She makes some great points. The only down side is now I have to plan out feedings and pumpings. And lug around a pump and bottles. Other than that its been great... One thing that will save you a bunch of time and energy if you choose this route, put the pump parts in the fridge between sessions. It will keep the milk inside fresh and you don't have to wash it out every time. :) you're welcome. 
• Supply or Die: I was told that many women in my family had trouble with their milk supply. I assumed I would too. From like day 2 being home, I started drinking this smoothie to increase lactation production. It really was delicious and nutritious so I drank one every day. Turns out my supply was not low. Despite what I thought the ped. was telling me, it was fine. SO now I have about 25+ bags of milk in my freezer. 3-5 ounces each. And I haven't had to use them. The milk just keeps building up in my fridge, so I freeze it. Hopefully I can use them when I go back to work. Otherwise, looks like I'll be donating to that milk bank I forgot about earlier. I have no more room in my freezer. (also hopefully I didn't just jinx myself)

  

  But wait! there's more!

  I hope you found something helpful here! Let me know if I can elaborate or clarify anything!

I Used to Worry All the Time

^"You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it."
Matthew 6:27

I like to start with a narrative, everyone loves a good narrative right? Just me? Alright.

 

 I used to worry all the time. I used to be scared of everything. As a child I never tried anything if I had any doubts about it at all. If it was cloudy I wouldn't swim, there might be a storm. I was always worried about the bad that could happen.

After finding out that I was pregnant, things didn't change. I was a nervous wreck. "What if I do something wrong?" "what if something happens to the baby?" "How will I know that everything is OK if I can't have more than two ultrasounds?" and the list goes on. I was only 4 weeks pregnant. At 8 weeks, I decided that I couldn't live this way anymore. I thought, "If I am this nervous and paranoid NOW, when the baby isn't even born yet, how am I going to be when it is born, and the rest of his or her life!?" Obviously, I wasn't going to just magically stop worrying,in fact, I saw my worrying magnifying post-partum.

I decided that this person, this worrying-constantly afraid-pessimistic girl was no longer going to control me. I was in charge of another human now and couldn't have unnecessary thoughts clogging my precious brain space. I also needed sleep.

What could I do to fix this?

I literally asked God to calm my nerves. Over and over. 

"Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves..."

It didn't happen all at once. In fact, I had to start making a conscious effort to notice when I was worrying. Every time I felt pessimistic, nervous, worried, or panicked I asked God, "Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves..." 

Gradually, I noticed a change. I could sleep better, I wasn't concerned about non-sense. That brought to attention my face. I realized I hardly smiled, not that I was mad, just that I didn't smile. So, I started smiling. Not the goofy, teethy grins that come up in picture but just a pleasant expression and I pleasant tone in my voice. This helped A LOT. I was able to exude confidence which in turn gave me confidence. I felt...chill. Relaxed.

Not going to lie, the feeling of worry and panic came back. About 30 seconds after my son was born. As I was holding him for the first time, I was completely overwhelmed with emotions. (I know some of that was hormones. but still, didn't help) I was so happy, so in love, so enthralled by him, so scared, so worried. He started crying again (after the inital "wahhh I just breathed for the first time ever wahhh"). I kinda wanted to give him back, like "um here ya go. you can have him back now." But I couldn't do that. He was ours now. 

That night was awful. I couldn't sleep at all. With the nurses coming in to do what they have to do, baby boy waking up to eat (another blog for another time. ugh), and me worrying...no sleep was had that night. The main thing I was worried about was baby boy choking. Apparently a quick delivery (pushing for about 2 hours) is a blessing and a curse in that all the gunk and fluid in his lungs didn't have time to get squeezed out before he was born, so long story short, it's coming up now. The hospital pediatrician assured me this was normal.

Even when we got home, I was still nervous. The "choking" stopped but now I didn't have a whole medical staff at my disposal. THANK GOD that my fabulous mother-in-law(former labor and delivery nurse) was staying with us. If she hadn't been there, I may have just had a panic attack, for real. 

I had to readjust. Remember how I overcame this before, and pray again.

"Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves."

Slight side note, I have a degree in early childhood education and worked at a daycare for 7 years. So I do have a good idea about the day-to-day needs of babies and children. Something people worry about with newborns is daily care. Since I have this pretty much down, it is my job and all, I didn't need to worry about it. Thinking back on this while writing this post, I am so thankful for that. I don't want to imagine how worried I would be if I didn't have this experience. Seriously, don't want to think about it. Woah.

My dad mentioned to someone the other day that I was a "calm mom" and hadn't freaked out over anything. WOW! this was comforting, it was working, I was changing. AND people noticed without me even saying that I was struggling with this. 

Baby boy is almost 2 months old now, I still have moments of worry and nervousness but I think I am in much better shape, and much much less stressed.

Sorry if that was long winded, I feel like summarizing in a list. I like lists. :)

How I calmed the heck down:

1. Prayer: lots and lots of prayer. I prayed specifically for God to calm my nerves. Because that is what is was. The worrying was all nerves and had no merit.
2. My Previous Experience With Babies: I worked with children for 7+ years prior to getting pregnant. This helped so much. If you are pregnant and have no or little experience with kids, especially babies, I would suggest getting some. Babysit, interview parents, read, Google, do whatever it takes to have a good, more than general knowledge of how babies work. Don't let their crying stress you, it's how they communicate. (another blog, another time)
3. My Wonderful Nurse of a Mother-in-Law: She was awesome. She stayed for about 2 weeks and we missed her when she was gone. She not only helped us my cooking for us, but she helped take care of the baby, and was there to offer advice both medically and motherly. I know not everyone can win the in-law lottery but do ask for help from your mom, mother-in-law, grandmother, aunt... or whoever you know that has done this before. Ask more than one person to get a well-rounded answer to your question.
4. Confirmation: Even though I didn't exactly ask for it, I was glad to have confirmation that I was doing something right. It felt good that other people noticed how I was calm and collected, whether I felt it or not. I was trying really hard to be that way. I needed to hear that compliment. I think God knew that ;)

Feel free to comment any questions you have! I am happy to answer. You can comment anonymously if you want to! :)

Pregnancy: the (wo)man, the myth, the legend

Pregnancy. The beautiful creation of life. Something most women look forward to and thoroughly enjoy. 

It was a hot Saturday afternoon in August. I found myself at the drugstore buying lady parts products (tampons) when I thought to myself, "I don't even feel like I'm about to start." Even though I knew it was time, my period tracking app was always accurate. "I'll probably start tomorrow, maybe I should get a pregnancy test just for kicks and giggles. I know it will be negative." My husband was working an event for the restaurant he manages so I knew he wouldn't be home for a while. I went ahead and took the test, waited the appropriate amount of time per the directions listed on the back of the box, and... PANICKED!  

It. Was. Positive.

P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E

Mother. Of. Pearl.

I immediately threw the test down and reached for a new one. Even though I knew that there is no such thing as a false positive, in my mind I needed to take another. It was also positive. I wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. I called my sisters, they were both busy. My hubby was at work and this is not news your share over the phone while someone is at work. All my friends were busy. AHHHHH!!! After the panicking, I cried. I'll be honest, I cried for about 3 weeks. I was not happy. I was not expecting it. I had plans. There were things we were supposed to do. We had only been married 11 months! I was supposed to go to Key West for a bachelorette weekend! I was supposed to work out like crazy and audition to be a professional cheerleader!

All of this seems shallow now, but then it was real. Those were my real feelings. I was not excited. I told my husband the next morning as we were getting ready for church. We were both scared. 

I had always thought people, especially married people, were supposed to be excited about becoming pregnant. It's so hard for some people to do and here I was being selfish and unappreciative. I felt bad.

That was just the beginning. 

I had read many other blogs about what people don't tell you when you're delivering but not being pregnant. Here are a few things no one told me about life as a pregnant person: (this is my personal story, may not happen to everyone)

1. Insurance is complex.  I was 24 and therefore still on my dad's insurance policy for another 2 years. BUT since my state, Alabama, adopted to expand medicaid, his policy no longer covered dependent maternity. Because apparently I should apply for medicaid now. Much to my chagrin, I applied. Nope. too rich. (hahahahaha) So here I am in insurance coverage limbo. AAAAAND commence panicking, again. My OB/GYN, agreed to see me as private pay while I sorted it all out. Which sounds easier than it is. OBs aren't cheap. Finally got it all sorted out. but my advice, if you are getting married or think you could possibly get pregnant, have an insurance plan. And go for the BEST maternity coverage possible. like 80-100%. For real.
2. Emotions will take you over. And you may not even realize it. I have always been a worrier and an overreactor. SOOOO being pregnant multiplies that. All of a sudden you have another life you are responsible for taking care of. Your choices affect it. I was so worried I would hurt it, or do something to mess something up developmentally. I cried over everything. Happy or sad. I felt like a hot mess. A literal hot mess. (because hot flashes). 
3. It's OK to not be excited at first. People will be shocked when you say you aren't excited. But, it is kinda life changing news. I mean you have these plans and all of a sudden you have to alter your entire life. I had to pray a lot. A lot a lot. And take deep breaths. And seriously focus on not being panicked all the time. As soon as my hubby and I heard the heart beat for the first time, our faces changed to huge smiles. I instantly felt calm. It was real. Our kid was in there. That was his heartbeat. He was alive and he was ours. 
4. People ask questions. Just deal with it. I had prepared a few snarky responses for whenever people rubbed my belly or uttered something about me "popping" soon. But I never used them. People are...well, people. It is going to happen. I learned to just deal with it and end the awkward as soon as possible. 
5. You are not eating for two. Don't fall for the myth. You just need about 300 more calories a day than you normally eat. I would suggest doing just that. Try to eat healthier, cut the caffeine, the sugar, drink more water for sure but don't eat for two. Eat when you are hungry. Some days I would eat two lunches and some days I felt like eating one. Just don't eat all the time just because you think you can. Track your weight when you go to the doctor so you can see how much you are gaining. Your doctor will tell you if you need to gain more. I am currently 7 weeks post-partum and still have about 15 pounds to lose. 
6. You will miss your OB/GYN! I actually felt sad at my post-partum check-up. I mean i saw her every month,then every 2 weeks, and then every week for 9 whole months. I wish I had asked more questions just to get to talk longer, I mean I felt like we were buds! haha                                                There are so many more things I could list, maybe I will add more. Comment your thoughts about this below!