Why I am not OK being the 'World's Okayest Mom'

There's t-shirts, mugs, wine glasses and more screen printed with labels that suggest the occupant is barely holding it together but with the help of dry shampoo and alcohol, just might make it.  Oh! The selfies I have seen with women holding coffee mugs with phrases like "World's Okayest Mom" or "This is Wine" have become far too frequent.

Why is the "hot mess express" mom glamorized? Why is it okay to be sloppy and to insinuate that you are day drinking while caring for your kids?

Now, I am by no means suggesting that I, a mom of a toddler and soon-to-be newborn, have all of my ducks in a row and heading towards the pond in matching monogrammed seer-sucker hats. I don't. I definitely don't. Most days I probably am barely holding it together. But you know what...? I try. I do everything I can for my family. I have a job. My husband works extremely hard, full time and then some (being a restaurant GM is kind of a 24/7 gig). He's gone most of the day, again working extremely hard to provide financially. He definitely helps take care of our son when he is home though. They have a pretty neat relationship. However, the reality is, most nights I make dinner by myself, coerce a small human into eating said dinner. Put the toddler to bed by myself, pack lunch, do laundry, do dishes, clean everything, vacuum, lay out clothes for everyone to wear the next morning... and I think you get the point. Like most moms, I do a lot. Probably most of the housework and caring for the children type of things. It's hard, it's exhausting, it's even excruciating at times but that is what I signed up for when I decided to have a family. That's part of being a mom. No where in the parenting manual does it say that those things are optional. I TOTALLY get wanting to vent or air-out. I definitely need breaks and vacations and "me time." I love getting to have a hot coffee with a girlfriend or sister and just letting it out.  I just don't get the over-glamorization of it all. I don't get the constant need to post on social media what you are doing, or better yet, not doing today for your kids.
I have days when my kid won't eat unless he's sitting on the floor, or he throws a tantrum in Target because I wouldn't let him have the giant red ball by the door, or my coffee got cold because I'm chasing a two-year-old that will not leave clothes on. Yes, my kid even climbs out of his toddler bed and sleeps on the carpet a lot of times. And I really feel like all that is normal and even okay. I feel like a lot of things people vent about in mom groups on Facebook are normal things. But then... there are the people that are actually not normal. They are barely holding it together and decide to use time out of their "hectic" lives to post about it.

Now, I know a few moms of special needs children. Your job is different than mine and I am not judging you or saying you aren't doing enough. I commend you for all you have to do for your kid that not everyone has to add in to their to-do list. I know that's not easy, especially if you are also a working mom.

But... I really do think there are things that need to be discussed. There are issues that have come up recently that I cannot sit idly by and tolerate anymore. I have to bring up a few things that come to mind when I say that I am not OK being an OK mom.
Here goes nothing:


No, your kid doesn't need a Pinterest-inspired bento box lunch

If you think you have to make a cutesy lunch with animal shaped fruit for lunch...you don't. No, your kid doesn't need a Pinterest-inspired bento box lunch with a personalized Etsy stationary note every morning.
Your kids do need an actual lunch though. Throwing a handful of teddy grahams and a cheese stick in a paper towel and saying "good luck" just wont cut it for more than a day or so. If you're having a week like that, stop and reevaluate your priorities. Is there something you can move around so that you can go buy actual food for your family? Maybe give them a check to buy lunch at school if you haven't made it to the grocery store. Maybe next week you need to plan to go to the grocery store earlier in the week. Or maybe it would be beneficial for your family to meal prep, that way you know the kids will be fed for a certain amount of days. I literally set an alert in my phone to remind me to buy groceries. I also use the Walmart pick up service because it's amazing! It helps me budget, and I don't forget anything because I use the app as my grocery list. Maybe you and another mom friend can take turns watching each other's kids while the each of you goes to the store and gets a Frappuccino on the way. Figure something out.
If that's your style to be over-the-top, then that's fine! Go for it. No one should make you feel less than for wanting to do that for your kids. Just make sure you aren't trying to impress anyone other than your kids. If you find yourself taking pictures and posting everything you create to your social media outlets hoping to get over 100 likes and shares but your kids just throw it away without even thinking...maybe it's time to cut back. Maybe you aren't actually doing it for your kids. Are YOU in need of something? Do you need the validation that you are a good mom?

Birthday Parties are not a necessity

Your kids don't have to have a birthday party, and they especially don't have to have a completely Pinterest/Etsy/DIY trendy-themed party in your DIY (or purchased) Joanna Gaines* house. But, if you promised your kid a party, give them one! Actually plan it ahead of time. Take the time that it takes to pull off an event with everything it takes to do it. No child deserves the stress that is induced when mom is scrambling and screaming at the last minute to get things done. The anxiety that transposes from mom to child when Walmart is out of cakes in the bakery section and the from-the-box cake is collapsed in the oven is too much for a mom to handle let alone a child that is supposed to be celebrating his or her birthday. Now, I don't have a problem with Walmart or from-the-box cakes. My son had a cake that I made from the box for his first birthday party. But I also made it the night before, had backup boxed mixes, and bought more frosting than I thought I might need so that I had any incident accounted for. I didn't want to just have a thrown together party. I planned to make the cake from the box instead of buying it to save money.

I guess this whole thing just bothers me to my core because it is my core. This is how I grew up. The scrambling, the last minuteness, the always forgetting something. My mom had her moments when we would craft or bake or do something that Pinterest-queens would envy. But most days, it wasn't like that. She always seemed to be in a hurry. We never had a plan for anything. Basically, we were the real life family from the show The Middle (on ABC, it is actually pretty funny).  I'm not even that upset that we didn't have many birthday parties, it just seemed like when we did, they were rushed and frantic and people were crying before even starting the thing. This isn't supposed to sound angry towards my mother. (hi Mom, if you're reading this). But it was my reality nonetheless.

I lived the other side of the "okayest mom" thing. And let's be honest here, it wasn't always good or even okay. I didn't enjoy feeling stressed. I didn't enjoy wearing wet jeans to school because they didn't get dried. It was stressful to frantically make a costume for something out of random stuff the night before because we didn't plan ahead. I didn't enjoy seeing my mom being busy and frantic over nothing and then losing it. **

Your kids deserve everything you've got. If that's glitter sprayed money with a handwritten certificate from the tooth fairy or if that's just the fact that you put money under their pillow at all... do it. Do what you can do but do SOMETHING. Don't be OK. Be the best mom you can be.
Which would you want to do with your mom, listen to her make up an excuse for why the elf didn't move last night? Or, making a handmade card for Santa on a Saturday morning instead? Which will be more meaningful to your kids? Which will save you sanity but still allow for that valuable time with your kids? (that you will never get back by the way.)
No, your kids don't need Mary Poppins. They need parents that care enough to make time for them and care for their needs. Children shouldn't have to worry about their needs being met or "will my mom wear her pajamas to the carpool line because she hasn't gotten dressed today?" Which would YOU want if you were your kid?

Also, maybe, just maaaayybe, talking to your kids would give you some insight as to what they like, want, and really need from you. If your kid likes to do Pinterest crafts, find a reasonable way to join him or her. If your kid could care less about crafts but loves the park, take him or her to the park. Spend time actually getting to know them and then decide what kind of a mom you need to be for them. Do what they like, not necessarily what you wish they would like. Don't brag about being "okay" until you know you have exhausted all your efforts and have nothing left to give. Maybe the cup should say "My Kid's Favorite Mom" or "World's Most Determined Mom." or "I've exhausted all my efforts and my kids are in bed so its OK to drink wine now."

Use Pinterest to your advantage. Find organization tips, meal prep tips, whatever you lack. If you know, like me, budgeting isn't your thing, research and find out how to do it. If meal prep and planning ahead is a struggle, research how to get better. Your family needs you to hold it together. They need you to be solid, someone hey can depend on. If you aren't able to give them that, how will they learn to be solid for their children? How will they learn how to handle adversity if they don't see you handling it?

Let's just stop the "keep them alive" while wearing yoga pants and day drinking mentality. It really doesn't suit you. ...The mentality, not the yoga pants. You look great in yoga pants!


A few side notes:
*Nothing against Jo, love her! I totally want my house to look like that, but you know what, she WORKED HAAARRRD for that house and all the things she has accomplished. She didn't settle for being an okay mom or wife. (You should read her book if you haven't already)
**Now, in her defense, she has since been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which was probably the cause of most of it. I don't know a whole lot about anxiety disorders but I know when I start to feel overwhelmed, I can feel myself starting to behave this way or the opposite, burying my head in the sand and trying to avoid all the things. So, maybe if you're reading this thinking "oh that's me" get yourself examined and helped. Your kids (and your sense of peace and control) deserve it.

Jekyll and Hyde: To stay home or be a working mom?

I have been struggling with how to write this post. It is a difficult topic for me because I have always been busy. When I say always, I pretty much mean always. To backtrack a little, I have been a dancer since kindergarten. I always had school, dance, church. Every week. In high school it was worse, School, dance team/marching band practice, dance studio classes, church, social life, extracurriculars at school.. etc. College... ya. I finished my undergrad after 5 long years because I also worked close to full-time at one job and had two or three part time jobs (at the same time), plus college dance team...

Needless to say though here I am saying it I have always been a busy person. It is my personality, I like to stay busy. I assumed that after I finished my degree and got married that I would have one job and my kids would go to daycare because I worked so hard for my degree and to have a career. I was planning on being bored during maternity leave because I would not be "busy." I was planning on wanting to come back after 8 weeks because I missed work and being busy. I didn't anticipate the timeline of life though... more so the conundrum of life. Which brings me to the topic of discussion:

Continue a career or be a stay at home mom?

I consider this a conundrum because I definitely wanted to have kids before I was over 30. I definitely wanted to have a career related to my hard earned degree and even pursue additional degrees. Alas, you really find it difficult to have your cake and eat it to. Sure it is TOTALLY possible. Women do it everyday. I was not prepared for the emotional aspects.
Here are a few pros and cons:

• PRO: Have a career and make plenty of money to help support your family and send your kids to a great daycare. You want them to have a social experience anyway
• CON: Missing out on many milestones and opportunities to socialize your child yourself
• PRO:Using your degree to promote your passions and get paid to do it.
• CON: Promoting your passions may mean long hours and full work schedules which also means less time with your family.
• PRO: Setting an example for your children by working hard to pursue your dreams.
• CON: Except they won't understand for a few years and usually they are too tired by the time you get home to really play or talk or anything.
• PRO: Moms across the world do it all the time and dads do it all the time.You won't be the only one with a kid in daycare.
• CON: Missing your kid so much you can't even look at a picture of him without tearing up a bit

I know that it is supposed to get easier (that's what I tell the parents of the kids in my class anyway) But it is still so hard. I have so many thoughts contradicting each other. I want to stay at home with my kid. I want him to have a social experience. I want to work. I want to use my degree dangit!  I want to go back to school. I want my husband to be able to do what he wants too. We can't have it all.

Thoughts about Being a Working Mom Thus Far

I know I haven't posted in a while, sorry. I have been sooooo tired and busy. I started back to work a little while ago. It was awful! I love my job, I do. But I was NOT ready to go back. The first day back my dad watched little man. I can't tell if that was better or worse. It was nice knowing he was good and comfortable at home, but I missed him. Oh I guess I should mention he can go to daycare where I work. Because it's a daycare... Child Development Center technically.
Anyway,
It has been hard. I loved staying home with him. I never thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm not sure that I really do, but I do like having certain freedoms.

1. I like being able to do or go do whatever we want. I liked being able to just go to the beach, or go to a morning women's bible study, or join a friend for lunch. It was nice and relaxed. Like I said in previous blogs, I enjoy being busy. So having the freedom to do what I wanted whenever was a breath of fresh air because I could fill my day with activities or decide to stay home.
2. Babies don't always sleep when you want to sleep. SO it was nice being able to go back to sleep at 7 am if I needed to. Sometimes little man would wake up every 4 hours at night, so going back to sleep was wonderful. Now, he is sleeping most of the night but wakes between 4 and 5. At this point, I am not quite ready to be up for the day, but since going back to work I have to stay up or I risk oversleeping. 

The hardest thing so far is time management. There is so much to do. I have tried to meal plan and make freezer meals to save time. My favorite is this breakfast burrito recipe. I altered it to my tastes but basically that's it! I have made these for about 2 months now. I LOVE THEM!!  They take no time at all to make, are super easy to heat, and super filling. I have to eat breakfast, always have been that way. Especially now with pumping/nursing I am hungry all the time.

Besides being tired all the time and hungry all the time, I guess it has not been too bad being back at work. (paychecks are nice too). Maybe one day I can do something that gives me more flexibility to stay home, or maybe he will be the most active toddler ever and I will want to keep him in daycare... who knows. All I know is that I love him more than I ever imagined I could love anything and I want to do what is best for our family.

If you have a story you would like to share to help me feel better, please do!!
sorry this was a weak post, I need to write more

Don't Let Crying Get You Down

the cutest sad face ever

An Anecdote: You walk in to a restaurant already hungry, as you should be, it is dinner time. The waiter takes your drink order and says he will give you a few minutes to decide what you want to eat. You say that you already know what you want and proceed to order. "It'll be just a few minutes." says the waiter. It has now been about five minutes and your stomach is growling. You have finished your beverage and want a refill. You see that the waiter is with another table but you don't care. You're now "hangry" (hungry+angry because it has been foreverrrr since you last ate). You start to complain to the waiter that it is taking too long. He starts yelling at you to be quiet and sit down. He yells that the chef is going as fast as he can and you should not be complaining, you had a whole glass of water just 5 minutes ago. You keep complaining. The waiter yells at you again to be quiet. "You ate lunch didn't you!?"

Does that sound insane to you? That a waiter would treat a hungry customer that way?

How often do you get frustrated when your baby cries? It is perfectly normal. We all feel frustrated. It is hard not to sometimes. Especially when going off of a few hours of sleep. But...crying is the main language babies use to communicate. Getting frustrated at them for communicating? Now that sounds different.

I am not by any means saying I don't get frustrated. I do. I totally do. Quite frequently. That's all the more reason what I am about to tell you is so important.

They only know how to tell you what they want by crying. Am I being redundant? Let's look back at the anecdote from before. It sounds crazy that two adults would act that way. But let's be honest, how many times have you been "hangry" in a restaurant and snapped at the wait staff? How often have you been frustrated with the amount of time it was taking to get your food even though you were hungry when you came in? Is it the staff's fault that you were hungry? (OK I'm stretching a bit here, obviously you are hungry when you go out to eat. Let's just think about the emotions going on when this does happen). I mean... you're hungry and you want FOOOOD!!

Babies are the same way. They get frustrated. They don't care how hard you are trying to make the bottle/warm the bottle/get somewhere to breastfeed.. They don't understand why it is taking so long. All they know is "my stomach is GROWLING because I haven't eaten in foreverrrr!!! (3 hours)" Yelling at them and telling them "the chef" is doing her best to get the food out does not phase them. They don't care. I think babies get "hangry" too. I mean it makes sense, right?

Don't let the crying get you all hot and bothered. Remember why they are probably crying (sitting in poo, hungry, cold, sleepy... etc) and think "Yup. I would probably complain or be unhappy too." When you think about it that way, it makes it easier to relax and not stress over it. It makes the situation almost relatable in a way. You can do your best to hurry and think "yup. hangry happens." or "sitting in poo is terrible." or even "I would want a blanket too." (you may even already have your own blanket or jacket on)

Of course, there will be those times when baby just cries for what seems like no reason. You may have tried everything you know to try, called Grandma, Googled, and Pinterest-ed. You are about to resort to a Facebook status. Maybe someone can help. Maybe it won't work. All I can say is that the few times my baby has done this, I just went to a quiet and dimly lit room. Held him close and prayed. Eventually he did calm down and fall asleep. The important thing is to try to stay calm. Breathe. Ask your husband or whoever may be availabe to take over if you feel frustrated. Take a minute to calm down and think that this stage won't last forever. Remember last week? Baby is already a week older and maybe even bigger than that. Because babies grown and change so fast. Baby won't be this small again.

*side note: some crying is OK. For instance, tummy time can be frustrating for baby. But just think about it like baby work outs. When you work out, you can be uncomfortable with the amount of strength and energy it takes, but in the end it is a good thing. You are strengthening your muscles. You may even grunt as you lift those dumbbells. Babies need tummy time in order to become mobile and develop their muscles. Let them grunt (within reason) while they do their "baby pushups."

I hope this helps someone. This mindset has really changed the way I handle things. Even in my job. Not that I yelled at children before, just that I became too easily frustrated. I hope this attitude sticks with me and I can continue to be calm when handling frustrating situations. 

I would love to hear your thoughts and welcome your comments!

Anna  :)

Feeding a Baby is a lot of Pressure

excuse us. we woke up like this.

Feeding a baby is harder than I imagined it would be. For starters, there is the whole breastmilk vs. formula thing. Both sides seem to be pretty adamant about which is better. Which leads to the next question, does it matter if you use a bottle or not? even if there is breastmilk in the bottle? What about supply? These are all thoughts and questions that went through my head while I was trying to decide. In my line of work, I have seen numerous babies that were breastmilk or formula fed. I had not put much thought as to which was better. I knew formula cost more money (1 can is usually only about 15 bottles worth) and that breastfeeding (minus the cost of the pump, bottles, and lanolin) was essentially free. I knew I would be going back to work so pumping might be difficult. I also had observed the formula babies and noticed that they seemed to spit-up more, and had other health problems such as eczema or reflux.
After taking a few childbirth classes through our hospital (I highly recommend these! Mom and Dad!) I decided to try to breastfeed and not be upset if it didn't work out.
But I still had lots of questions.

• Breastmilk vs. Formula. I knew what I had observed from my work experience but I did not have research to back it up. To be honest, I didn't really research it that much. The childbirth class and that it is free pretty much sold me on it. But, I wish I had done a little more research and been a little more pushy at the pediatrician. After finding this chart from the UK, this timeline, and this interesting read , I realize I was not very well informed about what to do when it doesn't work out. After my son was born I tried breastfeeding like the nurse suggested, ASAP. Like within the first few minutes. I think I have a picture timestamped like 5:11 pm and he was born at 4:56 pm. But he wouldn't latch. Thus the breastfeeding saga began. The nurse said to just keep trying. I was trying not to stress about it, I figured if he was hungry that he would eat. But he didn't. I think he got it right twice the whole 48 hours we were in the hospital. A few things that stopped me from fully focusing on breastfeeding:



one of our first moments together. 






•  I did not want to breastfeed in front of people. And there was always someone in our hospital room or home. I loved having everyone there, I really did. My son is the first grandkid on both sides, so... he's kind of a big deal. I wish I had been more adamant about taking time to try.
•  Another hindrance to the breastfeeding saga was (if you refer to the previous blog) was that the "fast" 2 hours of pushing I did left him with gunk. This gunk in his stomach made him think he was full (according to the hospital pediatrician) which made him not want to nurse. I was determined not to use formula! But I also wish I had gone to a breastfeeding class or read the breastfeeding book my aunt gave me :/ oops.  Since he screamed at me and refused to latch wouldn't latch he lost almost a pound in 5 days. According to the ped. this was not good. He suggested we use formula until my milk came in. This is when I wish I had been more pushy! I was so emotional/hormonal/trying not to burst into tears I forgot that our hospital offers pasteurized breastmilk for this very situation! So we used formula to "top him off" after he drank from a bottle what I could pump. 
• I decided to pump exclusively. (see below) I pumped what I could every 2 hours. He drank it. He also drank about an ounce of formula at every feeding for a week (and the few 3 ounce bottles of formula my husband gave him trying to help me sleep longer. *takes deep breath* God bless him.) I really really really didn't want to use formula. But I also didn't want to share how I really felt about the trouble I was having. I should have tried to go the support group :/
• Breast or Bottle? Does it matter?  I have not read anything that says it matters what device? the breastmilk comes from. The only thing I have seen is that introducing a bottle and a paci too soon would hinder the baby from nursing because it causes nipple confusion. Or something like that. Since he was already...not participating, I didn't see the harm. I decided to exclusively pump and bottle feed. This also freed me up to nap or whatever while someone else fed him. I could pump, put in in the fridge (see breastmilk storage guidelines) and warm it and feed him. Also we could go out in public without having to worry about breastfeeding in public. (*rolls eyes* I am not opposed by any means, it

  

  #fridgeselfie

  just takes some getting used to for mom)  I took to pinterest and came across this lady's blog. She makes some great points. The only down side is now I have to plan out feedings and pumpings. And lug around a pump and bottles. Other than that its been great... One thing that will save you a bunch of time and energy if you choose this route, put the pump parts in the fridge between sessions. It will keep the milk inside fresh and you don't have to wash it out every time. :) you're welcome. 
• Supply or Die: I was told that many women in my family had trouble with their milk supply. I assumed I would too. From like day 2 being home, I started drinking this smoothie to increase lactation production. It really was delicious and nutritious so I drank one every day. Turns out my supply was not low. Despite what I thought the ped. was telling me, it was fine. SO now I have about 25+ bags of milk in my freezer. 3-5 ounces each. And I haven't had to use them. The milk just keeps building up in my fridge, so I freeze it. Hopefully I can use them when I go back to work. Otherwise, looks like I'll be donating to that milk bank I forgot about earlier. I have no more room in my freezer. (also hopefully I didn't just jinx myself)

  

  But wait! there's more!

  I hope you found something helpful here! Let me know if I can elaborate or clarify anything!

I Used to Worry All the Time

^"You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it."
Matthew 6:27

I like to start with a narrative, everyone loves a good narrative right? Just me? Alright.

 

 I used to worry all the time. I used to be scared of everything. As a child I never tried anything if I had any doubts about it at all. If it was cloudy I wouldn't swim, there might be a storm. I was always worried about the bad that could happen.

After finding out that I was pregnant, things didn't change. I was a nervous wreck. "What if I do something wrong?" "what if something happens to the baby?" "How will I know that everything is OK if I can't have more than two ultrasounds?" and the list goes on. I was only 4 weeks pregnant. At 8 weeks, I decided that I couldn't live this way anymore. I thought, "If I am this nervous and paranoid NOW, when the baby isn't even born yet, how am I going to be when it is born, and the rest of his or her life!?" Obviously, I wasn't going to just magically stop worrying,in fact, I saw my worrying magnifying post-partum.

I decided that this person, this worrying-constantly afraid-pessimistic girl was no longer going to control me. I was in charge of another human now and couldn't have unnecessary thoughts clogging my precious brain space. I also needed sleep.

What could I do to fix this?

I literally asked God to calm my nerves. Over and over. 

"Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves..."

It didn't happen all at once. In fact, I had to start making a conscious effort to notice when I was worrying. Every time I felt pessimistic, nervous, worried, or panicked I asked God, "Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves..." 

Gradually, I noticed a change. I could sleep better, I wasn't concerned about non-sense. That brought to attention my face. I realized I hardly smiled, not that I was mad, just that I didn't smile. So, I started smiling. Not the goofy, teethy grins that come up in picture but just a pleasant expression and I pleasant tone in my voice. This helped A LOT. I was able to exude confidence which in turn gave me confidence. I felt...chill. Relaxed.

Not going to lie, the feeling of worry and panic came back. About 30 seconds after my son was born. As I was holding him for the first time, I was completely overwhelmed with emotions. (I know some of that was hormones. but still, didn't help) I was so happy, so in love, so enthralled by him, so scared, so worried. He started crying again (after the inital "wahhh I just breathed for the first time ever wahhh"). I kinda wanted to give him back, like "um here ya go. you can have him back now." But I couldn't do that. He was ours now. 

That night was awful. I couldn't sleep at all. With the nurses coming in to do what they have to do, baby boy waking up to eat (another blog for another time. ugh), and me worrying...no sleep was had that night. The main thing I was worried about was baby boy choking. Apparently a quick delivery (pushing for about 2 hours) is a blessing and a curse in that all the gunk and fluid in his lungs didn't have time to get squeezed out before he was born, so long story short, it's coming up now. The hospital pediatrician assured me this was normal.

Even when we got home, I was still nervous. The "choking" stopped but now I didn't have a whole medical staff at my disposal. THANK GOD that my fabulous mother-in-law(former labor and delivery nurse) was staying with us. If she hadn't been there, I may have just had a panic attack, for real. 

I had to readjust. Remember how I overcame this before, and pray again.

"Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves. Calm my nerves."

Slight side note, I have a degree in early childhood education and worked at a daycare for 7 years. So I do have a good idea about the day-to-day needs of babies and children. Something people worry about with newborns is daily care. Since I have this pretty much down, it is my job and all, I didn't need to worry about it. Thinking back on this while writing this post, I am so thankful for that. I don't want to imagine how worried I would be if I didn't have this experience. Seriously, don't want to think about it. Woah.

My dad mentioned to someone the other day that I was a "calm mom" and hadn't freaked out over anything. WOW! this was comforting, it was working, I was changing. AND people noticed without me even saying that I was struggling with this. 

Baby boy is almost 2 months old now, I still have moments of worry and nervousness but I think I am in much better shape, and much much less stressed.

Sorry if that was long winded, I feel like summarizing in a list. I like lists. :)

How I calmed the heck down:

1. Prayer: lots and lots of prayer. I prayed specifically for God to calm my nerves. Because that is what is was. The worrying was all nerves and had no merit.
2. My Previous Experience With Babies: I worked with children for 7+ years prior to getting pregnant. This helped so much. If you are pregnant and have no or little experience with kids, especially babies, I would suggest getting some. Babysit, interview parents, read, Google, do whatever it takes to have a good, more than general knowledge of how babies work. Don't let their crying stress you, it's how they communicate. (another blog, another time)
3. My Wonderful Nurse of a Mother-in-Law: She was awesome. She stayed for about 2 weeks and we missed her when she was gone. She not only helped us my cooking for us, but she helped take care of the baby, and was there to offer advice both medically and motherly. I know not everyone can win the in-law lottery but do ask for help from your mom, mother-in-law, grandmother, aunt... or whoever you know that has done this before. Ask more than one person to get a well-rounded answer to your question.
4. Confirmation: Even though I didn't exactly ask for it, I was glad to have confirmation that I was doing something right. It felt good that other people noticed how I was calm and collected, whether I felt it or not. I was trying really hard to be that way. I needed to hear that compliment. I think God knew that ;)

Feel free to comment any questions you have! I am happy to answer. You can comment anonymously if you want to! :)

Pregnancy: the (wo)man, the myth, the legend

Pregnancy. The beautiful creation of life. Something most women look forward to and thoroughly enjoy. 

It was a hot Saturday afternoon in August. I found myself at the drugstore buying lady parts products (tampons) when I thought to myself, "I don't even feel like I'm about to start." Even though I knew it was time, my period tracking app was always accurate. "I'll probably start tomorrow, maybe I should get a pregnancy test just for kicks and giggles. I know it will be negative." My husband was working an event for the restaurant he manages so I knew he wouldn't be home for a while. I went ahead and took the test, waited the appropriate amount of time per the directions listed on the back of the box, and... PANICKED!  

It. Was. Positive.

P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E

Mother. Of. Pearl.

I immediately threw the test down and reached for a new one. Even though I knew that there is no such thing as a false positive, in my mind I needed to take another. It was also positive. I wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. I called my sisters, they were both busy. My hubby was at work and this is not news your share over the phone while someone is at work. All my friends were busy. AHHHHH!!! After the panicking, I cried. I'll be honest, I cried for about 3 weeks. I was not happy. I was not expecting it. I had plans. There were things we were supposed to do. We had only been married 11 months! I was supposed to go to Key West for a bachelorette weekend! I was supposed to work out like crazy and audition to be a professional cheerleader!

All of this seems shallow now, but then it was real. Those were my real feelings. I was not excited. I told my husband the next morning as we were getting ready for church. We were both scared. 

I had always thought people, especially married people, were supposed to be excited about becoming pregnant. It's so hard for some people to do and here I was being selfish and unappreciative. I felt bad.

That was just the beginning. 

I had read many other blogs about what people don't tell you when you're delivering but not being pregnant. Here are a few things no one told me about life as a pregnant person: (this is my personal story, may not happen to everyone)

1. Insurance is complex.  I was 24 and therefore still on my dad's insurance policy for another 2 years. BUT since my state, Alabama, adopted to expand medicaid, his policy no longer covered dependent maternity. Because apparently I should apply for medicaid now. Much to my chagrin, I applied. Nope. too rich. (hahahahaha) So here I am in insurance coverage limbo. AAAAAND commence panicking, again. My OB/GYN, agreed to see me as private pay while I sorted it all out. Which sounds easier than it is. OBs aren't cheap. Finally got it all sorted out. but my advice, if you are getting married or think you could possibly get pregnant, have an insurance plan. And go for the BEST maternity coverage possible. like 80-100%. For real.
2. Emotions will take you over. And you may not even realize it. I have always been a worrier and an overreactor. SOOOO being pregnant multiplies that. All of a sudden you have another life you are responsible for taking care of. Your choices affect it. I was so worried I would hurt it, or do something to mess something up developmentally. I cried over everything. Happy or sad. I felt like a hot mess. A literal hot mess. (because hot flashes). 
3. It's OK to not be excited at first. People will be shocked when you say you aren't excited. But, it is kinda life changing news. I mean you have these plans and all of a sudden you have to alter your entire life. I had to pray a lot. A lot a lot. And take deep breaths. And seriously focus on not being panicked all the time. As soon as my hubby and I heard the heart beat for the first time, our faces changed to huge smiles. I instantly felt calm. It was real. Our kid was in there. That was his heartbeat. He was alive and he was ours. 
4. People ask questions. Just deal with it. I had prepared a few snarky responses for whenever people rubbed my belly or uttered something about me "popping" soon. But I never used them. People are...well, people. It is going to happen. I learned to just deal with it and end the awkward as soon as possible. 
5. You are not eating for two. Don't fall for the myth. You just need about 300 more calories a day than you normally eat. I would suggest doing just that. Try to eat healthier, cut the caffeine, the sugar, drink more water for sure but don't eat for two. Eat when you are hungry. Some days I would eat two lunches and some days I felt like eating one. Just don't eat all the time just because you think you can. Track your weight when you go to the doctor so you can see how much you are gaining. Your doctor will tell you if you need to gain more. I am currently 7 weeks post-partum and still have about 15 pounds to lose. 
6. You will miss your OB/GYN! I actually felt sad at my post-partum check-up. I mean i saw her every month,then every 2 weeks, and then every week for 9 whole months. I wish I had asked more questions just to get to talk longer, I mean I felt like we were buds! haha                                                There are so many more things I could list, maybe I will add more. Comment your thoughts about this below!